Ohh, my aching back ...

Can it be??? Is it possible?? Am I really posting again in such a short time?? If I had any readers, I know they would be absolutely amazed to see me here so quickly. Well, here's an update on my back issue. The problem is not operable. I should have just listened to the Goddess when she told me in the Spring that my back would not be healed. I am embarking on a pain management routine consisting of medications, spinal blocks and acceptance. Of all this, acceptance of my physical limitations is the hardest one for me to deal with. I've always be an independent person, to the extreme. One of the hardest things for me to do is ask for help. Now, since I am officially limited to "light duty", I will have to learn to do this. I am having trouble right now with thinking of my body as a cage, trapping me inside, and I have a LOT of resentment about my spinal issues. I want so much to be the free spirit that I was in my 20's, to move and dance, and walk everywhere. I need to figure out how to acclimate my free spirit to a body that is a lead weight. I have to admit to fighting back the tears when the Dr. told me that this condition is treatable but not curable. Of course, this was followed by beating myself up for being so damned self-pitying. There are people out there who have gotten a diagnosis this week of a painful death, and here I am bitching about a diagnosis of a painful life. What is wrong with me that I feel sorry for myself? What is it in me that makes me envy those who got the painful death diagnosis? Truly, if I didn't care so much about so many people I am sure I would commit suicide without a second thought right now. Is anyone out there dealing with chronic pain like this?? With no hope of true relief? The thought that I am extremely healthy other than the arthritic and spinal issues terrifies me. I could live another 50 years like this. Oh, My Goddess!!! Okay, I need to break out of this self-pitying morass. I need to find something to celebrate about my life. I have a decent marriage, we celebrated our 15th anniversary this week. My kids and step-kids have mostly grown in adequate adults, with only one that has totally lost her way. I have 12 terrific grandchildren, I have built a relationship with my parents that is good, even though we had a horrible start. I have an incredible, loving, supportive coven, through which I have met the best friends and family of choice ever. I am a talented fiber artist, able to knit, crochet, tat, and cross-stitch, and I have a modicum of talent in painting and drawing. I know how to make my own soap and candles. And, I have a dog that thinks I am the most important person in the world. I have many blessings, I need to concentrate on them, not the only thing in my life that isn't amazing.