Thursday, December 20, 2012

Imagine a Woman

A friend shared this poem with me. As soon as I read it, I knew I had to share it. I wrote to the author and received permission to do so. I hope it inspires you as it inspires me. I will post more about what it means to me at a later date. Imagine a Woman Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman. A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories. Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life. Imagine a woman who trusts and respects herself. A woman who listens to her needs and desires. Who meets them with tenderness and grace. Imagine a woman who acknowledges the past’s influence on the present. A woman who has walked through her past. Who has healed into the present. Imagine a woman who authors her own life. A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf. Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and wisest voice. Imagine a woman who names her own gods. A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness. Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life. Imagine a woman in love with her own body. A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is. Who celebrates its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource. Imagine a woman who honors the body of the Goddess in her changing body. A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom. Who refuses to use her life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life. Imagine a woman who values the women in her life. A woman who sits in circles of women. Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets. Imagine yourself as this woman. “Imagine a Woman” © Patricia Lynn Reilly, 1995 www.imagineAwoman.com The poem is copyrighted and may not be used without permission. http://www.imagineawoman.com/home/iaw-peom-i/imagine-a-woman-i

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Torani Syrups are delicious!

I'm a member of the She Speaks Blogger Society. Occasionally they send products for the members to test and then let others know what they think of the products. I recently signed up for a Torani Syrup trial from She Speaks. I expected to get a small trial bottle or two of the syrups, but I was amazed to open the package and find two of the large bottles. The flavors I received were Peppermint and Salted Caramel. I've had a couple of the flavors over the years. I like to flavor my coffee sometimes and my husband doesn't, so the syrups are a great way to do that. Just a tablespoon or so in a cup is perfect, just the right amount of flavor and sweetness. But I've never tried these two flavors. The Salted Caramel was perfect in my coffee. I've had the regular caramel before and that was good, but the salted caramel was so rich and full. I enjoyed it so very much. We used the Peppermint as an addition to hot cocoa and tea, both hot and iced. It was absolutely delicious! You can also add the syrups to carbonated water and make your own sodas. If you add a bit of half-and-half, you get what's called an Italian Cream Soda, also very delicious. You can find these in some stores, but they aren't common in my area. Luckily, Torani has an online store, shop.torani.com. They have 81 regular flavors, from Almond to White Chocolate, including some you wouldn't expect, like bacon! I've had their sugar free syrups in the past. They have 34 sugar free flavors, although for you bacon fanatics, that one isn't on the list. They're sweetened with sucralose (Splenda), which isn't too bad, flavor-wise. I liked the sugar free varieties much better than any other brand I've tried. All in all, I really like Torani Syrups. At $7.95 for a 750 ml bottle, they aren't even an extravagance. I do recommend buying a pump for these. It just makes it easier to dispense and you can just move it from bottle to bottls.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Back to my back ...

Well, a month after my spinal block, and I am very disappointed this time. I only got a small amount of relief. I see the Dr. again next week. I just don't know what to think. They tell me that my condition isn't operable, but I know that I cannot tolerate this pain for much longer. There has to be something out there that can help. I sit here and meditate, I perform Reiki on myself, I take my medications as prescribed, and take my narcotics as necessary, but I don't want to live this way. I was such an active person 25 years ago, I need to know how to get some semblance of activity back into my life. I miss dancing, playing sports, heck, I even miss walking!!! I used to walk 5 miles a day for exercise, now I can't walk to the edge of my back yard without severe pain. Desperation This picture perfectly exemplifies how I feel. I found it on Flickr, the artist is Josh Sommers. It so exactly is the way my body feels. Anyone out there at all who's dealt with this??? I need some support, some suggestions, some help of some kind. If anyone sees this and has any suggestions, I would love to hear them. Please leave a comment.

New coffee for your Keurig

First off, I've mentioned in the past that I belong to an online sampling group called BzzAgent. They run campaigns for various companies where some of their members will be asked to sample, or buy for a reduced price, various items. Right now, I'm lucky enough to be sampling a new blend of coffee from Green Mountain Coffee. I have to tell you, this is great! The coffee is rich and full bodied, it tastes great black or doctored up with your favorite additions. I do notice more alertness after using the Focus blend. Is it just psychosomatic? Does it matter? Anyway, if you're interested in trying it, go to the Green Mountain Coffee site and you can order it from there. At checkout, you can enter code "GMCWELLNESS" and save $3. I do recommend this coffee, it is great.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

A period of calm settles on us

Well, we've had a few quiet days in a row here now. A social worker from the jail called, and asked some questions about the one daughter's history, I told her what I could, but she hasn't lived with us in quite a long time. At least she's safe. The other daughter is somewhat settled at the moment, as well. Still a tinder keg searching for a spark, but we're wearing our kid gloves walking on eggshells until she is more settled. With my new medication regime, my back pain is more tolerable now. I'm scheduled for a spinal block the end of October. I had one last year to ease the sciatica pain, so I'm looking forward to it. I hope it helps. I will just need to remember to monitor my activities and remember not to lift things heavier than my five pounds limit. I'm working on some gifts for yule/christmas now. Started a pair of socks for one present, and watching for sales to pick up some gifts for the grandkids. Twelve of them make for a bit of expense if I wait too long to start. My kidlette will be 16 in just a few days. I'm thrilled with the young woman she's growing into, but still miss that sweet little baby she used to be. She's talking about getting a job and her permit. Hopefully, we'll be retiring our parenting hats in a few years. I'm looking forward to being just a grandma. We had the most wonderful Mabon celebration this past Saturday. A discussion of kitchen witchery and then a thanksgiving and bonding ritual for our coven. We made a brew of spices, oranges, sweet cider, and pomegranates. We all had a hand in the preparation, and, after making an offering of it to the god and goddess, we toasted and drank to our high priestess and high priest, then to each coven member in turn. It was a beautiful ritual. Well, happy fall to all, may the final season of the year bring bounty and prosperity to all.

Monday, September 17, 2012

The terrible world of the mentally ill

One of my children has a pretty major mental illness. She's an adult, so there is really nothing we can do to help her. When she goes off her meds, she gets so paranoid and psychotic, that she truly believes everyone is corrupt and out to get her. She goes on street drugs and does all she can to keep on them. She has broken many laws, and been caught a few times. She was on parole in Connecticut, but without her meds. She started calling us asking us to take her son. She said her fiance was using crack and watching porn with her son in the apartment. It all became a web of intrigue involving her parole officer and the managers of several different houses she was moved in and out of, ending this morning with her being re-entered into the jail. There was no other place they could put her and still keep her safe. I also have another daughter with the same diagnosis. She gets to a similar point in her illness. Unfortunately, there is no place for us to go to to keep her safe. The only way a person can be admitted to a psychiatric hospital is either by their agreement or if they are a danger to themselves or someone else. I wish there was a way to commit someone by family (parent, significant other, adult child) for a period of observation. Say 72 hours. My one daughter had to be re-admitted to jail because there was no legal reason to admit her against her will to a psych unit, which is where she really needs to be. I totally get the idea about not being able to say "I want my husband to be admitted to the psych ward because I'm tired of him not putting his dirty socks in the hamper." but there are times when family members can see a person heading towards dangerous territory. How many suicides could be avoided? How much domestic abuse could be stopped? When a person descends into psychosis, or major depression, or otherwise loses touch with reality, we sit here with our hands tied and can't to anything to help them. The first daughter I mentioned has two children. I have had custody of the oldest since she was just over 1 year old. The other is a son that is 10 years old. He has had such a difficult time, but I have not been in a position to try to get custody. I have had to just trust the Goddess to watch over him. I send energy to protect him and I do candle magic for his highest good. So what is the parent of a mentally ill adult to do? It's frustrating to know that if these two would just take their meds every day they could have a very normal life. I have to take a handful of pills every day, I know that it's expensive and annoying to have to remember to take all the different medications at the various times of the day. It's somehow almost belittling to know that the medications control the quality of my life, it's not totally in my hands anymore. I am dependent on them to be able to even type at this moment. I am filled with frustration. I want to help my kids, even though they are adult. I want to mother them and take care of them, just like I did when they were young. I want to kiss it and make it all better.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Ohh, my aching back ...

Can it be??? Is it possible?? Am I really posting again in such a short time?? If I had any readers, I know they would be absolutely amazed to see me here so quickly. Well, here's an update on my back issue. The problem is not operable. I should have just listened to the Goddess when she told me in the Spring that my back would not be healed. I am embarking on a pain management routine consisting of medications, spinal blocks and acceptance. Of all this, acceptance of my physical limitations is the hardest one for me to deal with. I've always be an independent person, to the extreme. One of the hardest things for me to do is ask for help. Now, since I am officially limited to "light duty", I will have to learn to do this. I am having trouble right now with thinking of my body as a cage, trapping me inside, and I have a LOT of resentment about my spinal issues. I want so much to be the free spirit that I was in my 20's, to move and dance, and walk everywhere. I need to figure out how to acclimate my free spirit to a body that is a lead weight. I have to admit to fighting back the tears when the Dr. told me that this condition is treatable but not curable. Of course, this was followed by beating myself up for being so damned self-pitying. There are people out there who have gotten a diagnosis this week of a painful death, and here I am bitching about a diagnosis of a painful life. What is wrong with me that I feel sorry for myself? What is it in me that makes me envy those who got the painful death diagnosis? Truly, if I didn't care so much about so many people I am sure I would commit suicide without a second thought right now. Is anyone out there dealing with chronic pain like this?? With no hope of true relief? The thought that I am extremely healthy other than the arthritic and spinal issues terrifies me. I could live another 50 years like this. Oh, My Goddess!!! Okay, I need to break out of this self-pitying morass. I need to find something to celebrate about my life. I have a decent marriage, we celebrated our 15th anniversary this week. My kids and step-kids have mostly grown in adequate adults, with only one that has totally lost her way. I have 12 terrific grandchildren, I have built a relationship with my parents that is good, even though we had a horrible start. I have an incredible, loving, supportive coven, through which I have met the best friends and family of choice ever. I am a talented fiber artist, able to knit, crochet, tat, and cross-stitch, and I have a modicum of talent in painting and drawing. I know how to make my own soap and candles. And, I have a dog that thinks I am the most important person in the world. I have many blessings, I need to concentrate on them, not the only thing in my life that isn't amazing.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Figured after 8 months, it's time for some rambles

Wow, I can't believe I haven't written for more than 8 months. So much has happened, yet not much has happened. My back has gotten so bad I am barely able to move off the couch anymore. I gave in and bought a scooter because I can't even walk one block anymore to my parent's house. Sometimes the pain has been so intense that I have thought that it just isn't worth it anymore. Honestly, if it wasn't for what I know it would do to Ali and my other grandchildren, I think I may have allowed myself to slip totally back into depression. I finally have seen my back doctors again, and had an MRI last Friday. I see them for the results next week. I need to do something, I can NOT take living like this any longer, I'm not living, I'm existing. This pain is a black hole, it's sucking everything of value from me. I'm bored, tired of watching TV, can't find much interesting to do online, I can't go spend time with my friends, and I can't ask them over here with the disgusting mess that is my house. I am going to ask for a referral to a neuro-surgeon. I am at the point where I am willing to try surgery for some pain relief. Ali's mother is back in prison. She was caught back in May and taken back to Connecticut on an escape charge for leaving the half-way house back in December. She is being held until the end of October. I have found out that she told Ali she wanted an abortion when she found out she was pregnant with her. What a horrible, devastating thing to tell your child. She also told Ali that she has had several other abortions, that she worked as a stripper and a prostitute, and, in a recent letter from prison, basically her entire sexual history, including diseases. Maybe I'm old fashioned in my way, but I don't think a 15 year old needs to know that much. I have taught Ali about STD's, taught her about prophylactics and various protections, and given her my opinions about becoming sexually active. We have had discussions, and I think Ali has developed some pretty impressive morals and standards for herself. She fully intends to remain a virgin until after high school, and has discussed this with her boyfriends over the years. When one of them goes beyond her comfort level, or tries to pressure her, she tells them no. Plain and simple. She understands the boundaries I have enforced and agrees with them. She understands that my rule that she not be alone in a house with her boyfriend isn't because I don't trust her, but because I know that things can get out of hand and progress farther than she may plan. She pretty much agrees with her restriction levels, and doesn't give me any hassle about them. She is an amazing child. I am so honored to have been given the privilege to parent her. I have learned so much from her, and I have never had a relationship like I have with her. I thank the gods and goddesses that they have allowed me this opportunity. Ahhh, enough rambling for now. I'll save the rest for another time. Fare thee well, anyone who stumbles across this. I hope my ramblings can offer someone a laugh, or support, or just maybe that there is someone out there that may understand.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

How'd they do that?

Monday was my parent's 52nd wedding anniversary. You read that right, 52 years of continuously living in matrimonial harmony. I told one of my kidlette's friends and she replied "How'd they do that?" Some of kidlette's friends are amazed the John and I have been married almost 15 years. So many teenagers today either have parents who were never married, or only married a short time. One of her friends has met a couple members of his extended family, but doesn't really know any of his relatives, his parents are divorced and both living with "significant others". My own kids, out of 6, 3 are married, but two of them are separated, the other was separated for several months before reuniting recently. The other 3 have a total of 5 kids, but have never been married, one of them changing relationships so frequently, I never know what the current beau's name is. I remember back to when my first baby was born. Now, admittedly, I was young, about 18 1/2, but there was another young mom in my room. She had a beautiful baby boy whom she named Danroyal. I was very intrigued by that name, so I asked her how she came up with it. Her answer is the main reason I remember the incident still. She said, "I wanted to name him after his daddy, but I don't know if it's Dan, Roy, or Al." I think about that baby, who is now a man of 32, and wonder how he grew up and what his values are, how he takes care of any children he may have. Now, I am not some Christian spouting fundamental beliefs. I just think that having a child is a life long commitment. I find it hard to believe that some people find it so easy to make the lifetime commitment of parenthood with someone they don't want to make a commitment of legally binding marriage with. If you don't care enough about a person to want to spend your life with them, why do you want to create the most precious gift of life with that person as the other half of your child's DNA? I know one young woman who met a guy at a dance club, decided he had cute eyes and that she wanted a baby by him because of those eyes. Within two weeks she was sleeping with him and did indeed get pregnant. Okay, I'm done. I don't know how to wrap this up. I've written and deleted about 5 different conclusions, and none of them were right. I'll just drop this rant off in mid-air. If anyone is out there, I'd love to hear your comments.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year!

What is it about this one day in particular that made our society decide THIS is the moment a new year starts? It could have been June 13th or October 9th and everything would be the same. Some people consider the start of the new year to be whenever school starts in their area. Others consider their birthday or some other anniversary to be the beginning of the year. I learned a little while ago that I could start over any time I wanted or needed to. Start a project and not keep up with my predetermined schedule? I can start over, maybe rework my self-imposed deadlines to be more realistic, and find success! Decide that I'm going to start behaving a certain way (quit smoking, start a diet, begin exercising)? I can begin any time I need to. So I'd like to suggest freedom from the tyranny of the calendar for all. Start any self-improvement situation over when ever you need. Start over any time you need. Take the pressure off yourself, forget New Year's Resolutions. Be Free.