The terrible world of the mentally ill

One of my children has a pretty major mental illness. She's an adult, so there is really nothing we can do to help her. When she goes off her meds, she gets so paranoid and psychotic, that she truly believes everyone is corrupt and out to get her. She goes on street drugs and does all she can to keep on them. She has broken many laws, and been caught a few times. She was on parole in Connecticut, but without her meds. She started calling us asking us to take her son. She said her fiance was using crack and watching porn with her son in the apartment. It all became a web of intrigue involving her parole officer and the managers of several different houses she was moved in and out of, ending this morning with her being re-entered into the jail. There was no other place they could put her and still keep her safe. I also have another daughter with the same diagnosis. She gets to a similar point in her illness. Unfortunately, there is no place for us to go to to keep her safe. The only way a person can be admitted to a psychiatric hospital is either by their agreement or if they are a danger to themselves or someone else. I wish there was a way to commit someone by family (parent, significant other, adult child) for a period of observation. Say 72 hours. My one daughter had to be re-admitted to jail because there was no legal reason to admit her against her will to a psych unit, which is where she really needs to be. I totally get the idea about not being able to say "I want my husband to be admitted to the psych ward because I'm tired of him not putting his dirty socks in the hamper." but there are times when family members can see a person heading towards dangerous territory. How many suicides could be avoided? How much domestic abuse could be stopped? When a person descends into psychosis, or major depression, or otherwise loses touch with reality, we sit here with our hands tied and can't to anything to help them. The first daughter I mentioned has two children. I have had custody of the oldest since she was just over 1 year old. The other is a son that is 10 years old. He has had such a difficult time, but I have not been in a position to try to get custody. I have had to just trust the Goddess to watch over him. I send energy to protect him and I do candle magic for his highest good. So what is the parent of a mentally ill adult to do? It's frustrating to know that if these two would just take their meds every day they could have a very normal life. I have to take a handful of pills every day, I know that it's expensive and annoying to have to remember to take all the different medications at the various times of the day. It's somehow almost belittling to know that the medications control the quality of my life, it's not totally in my hands anymore. I am dependent on them to be able to even type at this moment. I am filled with frustration. I want to help my kids, even though they are adult. I want to mother them and take care of them, just like I did when they were young. I want to kiss it and make it all better.

Ohh, my aching back ...

Can it be??? Is it possible?? Am I really posting again in such a short time?? If I had any readers, I know they would be absolutely amazed to see me here so quickly. Well, here's an update on my back issue. The problem is not operable. I should have just listened to the Goddess when she told me in the Spring that my back would not be healed. I am embarking on a pain management routine consisting of medications, spinal blocks and acceptance. Of all this, acceptance of my physical limitations is the hardest one for me to deal with. I've always be an independent person, to the extreme. One of the hardest things for me to do is ask for help. Now, since I am officially limited to "light duty", I will have to learn to do this. I am having trouble right now with thinking of my body as a cage, trapping me inside, and I have a LOT of resentment about my spinal issues. I want so much to be the free spirit that I was in my 20's, to move and dance, and walk everywhere. I need to figure out how to acclimate my free spirit to a body that is a lead weight. I have to admit to fighting back the tears when the Dr. told me that this condition is treatable but not curable. Of course, this was followed by beating myself up for being so damned self-pitying. There are people out there who have gotten a diagnosis this week of a painful death, and here I am bitching about a diagnosis of a painful life. What is wrong with me that I feel sorry for myself? What is it in me that makes me envy those who got the painful death diagnosis? Truly, if I didn't care so much about so many people I am sure I would commit suicide without a second thought right now. Is anyone out there dealing with chronic pain like this?? With no hope of true relief? The thought that I am extremely healthy other than the arthritic and spinal issues terrifies me. I could live another 50 years like this. Oh, My Goddess!!! Okay, I need to break out of this self-pitying morass. I need to find something to celebrate about my life. I have a decent marriage, we celebrated our 15th anniversary this week. My kids and step-kids have mostly grown in adequate adults, with only one that has totally lost her way. I have 12 terrific grandchildren, I have built a relationship with my parents that is good, even though we had a horrible start. I have an incredible, loving, supportive coven, through which I have met the best friends and family of choice ever. I am a talented fiber artist, able to knit, crochet, tat, and cross-stitch, and I have a modicum of talent in painting and drawing. I know how to make my own soap and candles. And, I have a dog that thinks I am the most important person in the world. I have many blessings, I need to concentrate on them, not the only thing in my life that isn't amazing.

Figured after 8 months, it's time for some rambles

Wow, I can't believe I haven't written for more than 8 months. So much has happened, yet not much has happened. My back has gotten so bad I am barely able to move off the couch anymore. I gave in and bought a scooter because I can't even walk one block anymore to my parent's house. Sometimes the pain has been so intense that I have thought that it just isn't worth it anymore. Honestly, if it wasn't for what I know it would do to Ali and my other grandchildren, I think I may have allowed myself to slip totally back into depression. I finally have seen my back doctors again, and had an MRI last Friday. I see them for the results next week. I need to do something, I can NOT take living like this any longer, I'm not living, I'm existing. This pain is a black hole, it's sucking everything of value from me. I'm bored, tired of watching TV, can't find much interesting to do online, I can't go spend time with my friends, and I can't ask them over here with the disgusting mess that is my house. I am going to ask for a referral to a neuro-surgeon. I am at the point where I am willing to try surgery for some pain relief. Ali's mother is back in prison. She was caught back in May and taken back to Connecticut on an escape charge for leaving the half-way house back in December. She is being held until the end of October. I have found out that she told Ali she wanted an abortion when she found out she was pregnant with her. What a horrible, devastating thing to tell your child. She also told Ali that she has had several other abortions, that she worked as a stripper and a prostitute, and, in a recent letter from prison, basically her entire sexual history, including diseases. Maybe I'm old fashioned in my way, but I don't think a 15 year old needs to know that much. I have taught Ali about STD's, taught her about prophylactics and various protections, and given her my opinions about becoming sexually active. We have had discussions, and I think Ali has developed some pretty impressive morals and standards for herself. She fully intends to remain a virgin until after high school, and has discussed this with her boyfriends over the years. When one of them goes beyond her comfort level, or tries to pressure her, she tells them no. Plain and simple. She understands the boundaries I have enforced and agrees with them. She understands that my rule that she not be alone in a house with her boyfriend isn't because I don't trust her, but because I know that things can get out of hand and progress farther than she may plan. She pretty much agrees with her restriction levels, and doesn't give me any hassle about them. She is an amazing child. I am so honored to have been given the privilege to parent her. I have learned so much from her, and I have never had a relationship like I have with her. I thank the gods and goddesses that they have allowed me this opportunity. Ahhh, enough rambling for now. I'll save the rest for another time. Fare thee well, anyone who stumbles across this. I hope my ramblings can offer someone a laugh, or support, or just maybe that there is someone out there that may understand.