Figured after 8 months, it's time for some rambles

Wow, I can't believe I haven't written for more than 8 months. So much has happened, yet not much has happened. My back has gotten so bad I am barely able to move off the couch anymore. I gave in and bought a scooter because I can't even walk one block anymore to my parent's house. Sometimes the pain has been so intense that I have thought that it just isn't worth it anymore. Honestly, if it wasn't for what I know it would do to Ali and my other grandchildren, I think I may have allowed myself to slip totally back into depression. I finally have seen my back doctors again, and had an MRI last Friday. I see them for the results next week. I need to do something, I can NOT take living like this any longer, I'm not living, I'm existing. This pain is a black hole, it's sucking everything of value from me. I'm bored, tired of watching TV, can't find much interesting to do online, I can't go spend time with my friends, and I can't ask them over here with the disgusting mess that is my house. I am going to ask for a referral to a neuro-surgeon. I am at the point where I am willing to try surgery for some pain relief. Ali's mother is back in prison. She was caught back in May and taken back to Connecticut on an escape charge for leaving the half-way house back in December. She is being held until the end of October. I have found out that she told Ali she wanted an abortion when she found out she was pregnant with her. What a horrible, devastating thing to tell your child. She also told Ali that she has had several other abortions, that she worked as a stripper and a prostitute, and, in a recent letter from prison, basically her entire sexual history, including diseases. Maybe I'm old fashioned in my way, but I don't think a 15 year old needs to know that much. I have taught Ali about STD's, taught her about prophylactics and various protections, and given her my opinions about becoming sexually active. We have had discussions, and I think Ali has developed some pretty impressive morals and standards for herself. She fully intends to remain a virgin until after high school, and has discussed this with her boyfriends over the years. When one of them goes beyond her comfort level, or tries to pressure her, she tells them no. Plain and simple. She understands the boundaries I have enforced and agrees with them. She understands that my rule that she not be alone in a house with her boyfriend isn't because I don't trust her, but because I know that things can get out of hand and progress farther than she may plan. She pretty much agrees with her restriction levels, and doesn't give me any hassle about them. She is an amazing child. I am so honored to have been given the privilege to parent her. I have learned so much from her, and I have never had a relationship like I have with her. I thank the gods and goddesses that they have allowed me this opportunity. Ahhh, enough rambling for now. I'll save the rest for another time. Fare thee well, anyone who stumbles across this. I hope my ramblings can offer someone a laugh, or support, or just maybe that there is someone out there that may understand.

How'd they do that?

Monday was my parent's 52nd wedding anniversary. You read that right, 52 years of continuously living in matrimonial harmony. I told one of my kidlette's friends and she replied "How'd they do that?" Some of kidlette's friends are amazed the John and I have been married almost 15 years. So many teenagers today either have parents who were never married, or only married a short time. One of her friends has met a couple members of his extended family, but doesn't really know any of his relatives, his parents are divorced and both living with "significant others". My own kids, out of 6, 3 are married, but two of them are separated, the other was separated for several months before reuniting recently. The other 3 have a total of 5 kids, but have never been married, one of them changing relationships so frequently, I never know what the current beau's name is. I remember back to when my first baby was born. Now, admittedly, I was young, about 18 1/2, but there was another young mom in my room. She had a beautiful baby boy whom she named Danroyal. I was very intrigued by that name, so I asked her how she came up with it. Her answer is the main reason I remember the incident still. She said, "I wanted to name him after his daddy, but I don't know if it's Dan, Roy, or Al." I think about that baby, who is now a man of 32, and wonder how he grew up and what his values are, how he takes care of any children he may have. Now, I am not some Christian spouting fundamental beliefs. I just think that having a child is a life long commitment. I find it hard to believe that some people find it so easy to make the lifetime commitment of parenthood with someone they don't want to make a commitment of legally binding marriage with. If you don't care enough about a person to want to spend your life with them, why do you want to create the most precious gift of life with that person as the other half of your child's DNA? I know one young woman who met a guy at a dance club, decided he had cute eyes and that she wanted a baby by him because of those eyes. Within two weeks she was sleeping with him and did indeed get pregnant. Okay, I'm done. I don't know how to wrap this up. I've written and deleted about 5 different conclusions, and none of them were right. I'll just drop this rant off in mid-air. If anyone is out there, I'd love to hear your comments.

Happy New Year!

What is it about this one day in particular that made our society decide THIS is the moment a new year starts? It could have been June 13th or October 9th and everything would be the same. Some people consider the start of the new year to be whenever school starts in their area. Others consider their birthday or some other anniversary to be the beginning of the year. I learned a little while ago that I could start over any time I wanted or needed to. Start a project and not keep up with my predetermined schedule? I can start over, maybe rework my self-imposed deadlines to be more realistic, and find success! Decide that I'm going to start behaving a certain way (quit smoking, start a diet, begin exercising)? I can begin any time I need to. So I'd like to suggest freedom from the tyranny of the calendar for all. Start any self-improvement situation over when ever you need. Start over any time you need. Take the pressure off yourself, forget New Year's Resolutions. Be Free.